Fascinating First Lines...

FIRST LINES. 

I'm completely obsessed with first lines.

They fascinate me. I highlight them.

First lines of books.

First lines of chapters.

First lines of letters.
First lines of magazine articles.
First lines of sales pitches, newspaper articles, scripts, brochures...

First lines of songs.

First lines of the dreaded query letters. Some of them are fantastic!

Anything.

I ask everyone I know to tell me the best / worst first lines they've ever read. If they write, I love hearing the first lines from THEIR works.

I challenge you to find some creative first lines (and their sources) just to see the variety.

Maybe it's the first line your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/loverrrrrrr said to you.

By the way, the first word/line my daughter wrote: Kiss. (which sort of scares me)

So, I'm looking for first lines.

And GO!

+firstlines #queryletters #amwriting

Money Can't Buy Happiness...

Money Can't Buy Happiness and Other Lies My Fairy Godmother Told Me.

Do I even need to elaborate? Okay, I will. In a pitch.


Dear Ms. Editor:

The old adage "Money Can't Buy Happiness" is complete crap. You may be wondering, "How can this woman be so negative? Maybe she's never found true love," or "Maybe she's never seen any of the original Seven Wonders of the World." Of course, only one wonder still exists - the Great Pyramid of Giza - which I have no intention of visiting any time soon. Or perhaps I'm just cynical and deprived of the things that offer "true" happiness in life.

Nope. That's not it.

I have most of the things money can't buy. I found my true love. In fact, I gave up Stanford and Berkeley and medical school for him, and we're as happy as two clams in the waters off the coast of New England. I have two beautiful children. They love me unconditionally and endlessly. And, yes, I have God. I think. I hope? Are you there God? It's me, Missy. (<< At least that's how I feel most of the days about my relationship with Him.)

If I have all those, what else would I want? What else would I need? My wants are endless (though I can live simply). My needs, however, are...let's just say the list isn't short.

There are twenty-seven things that would make me happy, and all require money. The list isn't as obvious as you'd think. Some are breathtaking; others are life-saving. In any event, I want a new fairy godmother - one that understands even a visit to the meth clinic ain't free.

And before you even ask, no, I'm not a crackhead.

I propose a knock your socks off type of memoir that will prove money can buy happiness. It's a sliding scale: the more money I get, the more happiness I buy. Do you agree?

~~Missy



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What about you?

Would you ever pitch a memoir? Do you have a story to tell? (Here's a hint: most people have something in their lives worth sharing.)

Do you believe money can buy happiness?

Remember, this is a fun "pitch". I mean it's true - I've written a memoir, but if you could see the list of what I want/need the money for, your face of shock or disgust or curiosity would most likely change. ;)

Smart Phones.

I spent all this time writing up this long post, which I just deleted. I hesitate to write on this topic, but it's something I really want to ask people. I love my smart phone. I do. I also hate it. I hate what smart phones do to people.

So here's what I think...

Dear MS. Magazine Editor:

Imagine walking up to your best friend's hottie husband and taking your shirt off? Did you just spit out your coffee? Probably, because the thought of doing this is ludicrous. This, however, is no different from sending a topless selfie to a married man during a hot text session, which is something that happens every day, flying quietly under the extramarital affair radar. Text message, Facebook messenger, and email are the new go-to communicators when you're looking for some quick action and you own a smart phone.

As you are well aware, smart phones are...smart. They can make marriages dumb. I've witnessed several marriages go awry because of smart phone affairs. Talk about technology at its finest. These people didn't even have to do anything but lift a finger to cheat. And cheat they did. Texts, Facebook messages and emails were exchanged, including inappropriate and suggestive words and pictures, which ultimately and permanently damaged relationships. All from a smart phone. Sounds pretty stupid if you ask me.

I did meet a couple who used their smart phones to get off...with each other. It was a daily hobby and their no-limits Sprint plan seemed to work wonders for their sex life.

I propose a 1,000 word article on smart phones and their effects on marriages. I will tell you this: the research is either going to piss me off or be pretty darn exciting. I'll let you know.

***************************

I'm not sure how I'd position this article. If it were an opinion piece, I don't know if you'd want to hear my opinion. You might get words like, "They're such desperate, lonely women who have no business texting married men." You might also hear me say things like, "What kind of asshole guy would continue or perpetuate the relationship with the woman (who is desperate, lonely, etc) when he's married?"  Or vice versa, whoever's at fault or involved.

Then again, I might tell you I like it. I think it's hot. You just never know. I don't mind texting my husband, "Can you get milk? And what are you wearing?" << It may be a little better than that. Give me some credit.

What do you think? Do you know anyone who's used their smart phone for dumb purposes?

Here's The Deal

If I had ten minutes with a magazine editor, and he/she was forced to listen to me...
With no wine involved.
And no opinions, other than mine, of course.
I'm kidding.
But here's the deal. What I wouldn't give to sit with magazine editors every week just to pitch everything that goes through my head. I'd love to say, "People, here are the stories. Here are the thoughts. Here are the ideas. Where do you want to start?"
Why magazine, you ask? I don't know. It's the medium of choice for the articles I'd like to write. They're not too short and not too long and can be fiction or non-fiction, easy-going or controversial. They can make you smile or cry or want to throw the damn magazine across the room (or punch the computer screen). Don't get me wrong, I love love love books. But magazine articles are just so cool. If I could, I'd spend a whole day with (dreamy) Andrew McCarthy and ask him all about (Pretty in Pink) his writing experiences (or his beautiful face).

But really...I'd love to write for magazines. In a perfect world, the editors would call me. My smart phone would beep more than it already does. They'd beg for more stories on healthcare and heart kids and football and why cell phone batteries don't last and why kiwi's are named kiwi's and why I have to watch my daughter suffer and how my son shoots par and couldn't give a crap...

I'd write about why college basketball is better than NBA and why Ohio State is awesome. Or why the $^#&*^@& I can't get a break on my student loans. Or how on God's earth my husband, as a public high school teacher, makes too much money to receive medical aid for my daughter's medical bills...

I swear the things that happen to me in a single day could fill a month's worth of articles.
So this is where I will "pitch" them. Just for fun, I'll write the stories/articles I'd pitch to magazines. Feel free to comment, add to the idea list and/or subscribe and read. Don't worry, we'll probably get controversial. Just remember, it's my blog, so my opinion is the one that matters most.

And maybe, just maybe, I'll ask you to pitch to your favorite magazine. Just for fun. Any takers?

*winks*
Missy